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In a single moment, everything changes. Seventeen-year-old Mia has no memory of the accident; she can only recall riding along the snow-wet Oregon road with her family. Then, in a blink, she finds herself watching as her own damaged body is taken from the wreck...
A sophisticated, layered, and heartachingly beautiful story about the power of family and friends, the choices we all make—and the ultimate choice Mia commands.
If I Stay is a heart-wrenching novel about a choice Mia has to make after losing her family in a car accident. It is not so much her choice that makes this novel beautiful; it is the process in which she finds that choice. Her every thought, every sorrow, every ounce of emotion which leads to the ultimate choice - whether she was to stay or to let go - builds this book to be a compelling, reflective read.
I fell in love with this book from the very first page. A loving family breakfast sets the scene and the love that flows from their every word and every action is more than enough to break my heart, knowing what was to come. Mia's loss occurs right after that - and once again, my heart broke with her sudden loss, and from hence Mia's voice shifts to a very different tone. One that is laced with uncertainty, grief and longing. It is here that her journey towards her decision begins and the development of the plot deepens. And then my heart broke once more.
Mia's narration of what is currently happening to her body in the present shows the love that is witnessed between her family at the very beginning is by no means limited. Her family and friends surrounds her, bathing her in love and support despite the fact that she feels alone and is unconscious. It is this that ultimately makes this book life-affirming - as I reader I felt the tender love they showered for her, the tears, the heartbreak, and wish to see her stay. Between each scene, Mia recollects a memory which builds complements everything that is happening in the present. Each of these recollections are bittersweet, heartwrenching memories which deepens the bond between each character and develops them into much more than just loving families. With this, her family comes to life and the pain of losing them reverberates from Mia to her readers. Despite the fact that there are limited characters and characterisation, I felt it suited the stories as each of these characters were full of overwhelming love in each of them - together, for Mia, they compensate for whatever lack in characterisation the book has.
The romance in this novel is unlike any other. It is not finding but letting go. Mia's memories of Adam are sweet, sometimes full of worry, nevertheless full of affection. Their romance was beautiful, their bond tight. I found a very strong, very unique basis of their love in music. Adam's feelings towards her are portrayed very strongly; I could not help but admire and appreciate all his efforts to be with her in her suffering and shower her with all the love he can afford. His love for her was pivotal - it was very very romantic, in its unique way. His speech towards the end is the single most romantic speech I have ever read. Moving, very moving.
Note that this novel is tied together a lot by music. Punk rock, jazz, classical - many types of music. Personally, I found this a little overwhelming although I must admit it ties the book wonderfully. I felt I was missing a lot on music references and would have felt more engaged if I had known more about music*. Because it was so fundamental to the plot, I felt it took a lot of engagement from my reading experience.
With If I Stay, I did not read to find what her ultimate choice would be, but to follow her in her journey to that decision. It is a life-affirming, reflective, heart-warming, sensitive and at times humorous read which I am not embarrassed to say I have shed tears for, with endearing characters and a profound loss and an even more profound decision that I know would stay with me for a long time.
Four stars!
*I saw the paperback version of If I Stay in Waterstones yesterday and it includes a music reference section! I wish I had gotten that copy instead :(
